Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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