your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
