Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
