He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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