I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
