dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
