yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sarcasm needs its own font
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
