shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
