Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
