No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
