Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize