You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
