Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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