I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
