my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
