I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
a search helicopter?!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize