the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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