I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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