i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
