I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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