woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
