Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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