i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
