You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
