I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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