Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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