That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
