never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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