tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
