Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
