Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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