Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
