Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i want to swaddle you in tequila
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
