then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
