Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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