sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
