youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
