I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
