I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
