Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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