it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize