is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can I color on your dick again?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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