He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
