just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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