im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
