apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
