i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize