We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
