I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
did you just send me my own nude
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize