ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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