My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
