very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
oh god was she eating orange peels again
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize