I think my fart just growled at me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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