I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
