It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
