quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
