I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
