Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
