sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
