ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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