im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
