I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will be naked everywhere
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
