I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
