i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize