I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
