dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
barbara walters just said penis...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
