So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
