She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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