He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
