I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize