Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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