The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
