i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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