I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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