Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.

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(559): View more from California

Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots

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(314): View more from Missouri

Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night

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(936): View more from Texas

You can't call dibs 8 years later.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to

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(931): View more from Tennessee

nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.

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(514): View more from Quebec

I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.

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