Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
